honestly

so, it’s been a while.  ever have one of those periods where you feel as if all your creative energy has been zapped?  i’ve felt like the wind has been sucked out of my creative sails. and while summer is ALWAYS welcomed with open arms, i also blame our loosy-goosey lifestyle for my absence here and my lack of creativity.  with everyone home 24/7, every ounce of energy in my body was spent meeting kids’ needs and keeping our house afloat. there just wasn’t room for much else.  and i don’t want you to think i’m complaining, truly i’m not.  i know it’s a season of life, and it will pass much more quickly than i’d like. BUT. it’s draining. i am tired. of cleaning up spills for the millionth time and picking up toys just to have them thrown around 4 seconds later, and laundry and dishes that i just can’t seem to stay caught up with.

summer was fun and great and beautiful and there was so much togetherness. but it was also overwhelming and intense and and there was so. much. togetherness. we did some wonderful things, but i kind of felt like I had to referee my way through the days (just being real here).  why did I not get a whistle in june?!? and please tell me i’m not the only one who would have benefitted from one!?!

we are back in the swing of things with school, and as my days feel a bit lighter (with b in 1st and c in pre-k), so do i.  i’m all for the ease of summertime, but really, i love some structure to our days.  i think the kids and i all thrive on some sort of routine, rhythm, and predictability.  and as we’re completing our fifth week of that, i feel myself coming back to earth.  and to this place.  and that feels good.

here a few shots from sweet summertime.  

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a few things…

a few very random ramblings…

h&m has home items, say what!?!?!  it’s a small but good collection, and the price point is super affordable.  it leans clean and modern, which is right up my alley, and at these prices, you can afford to change that pillow cover out after your kid gets their chocolate slobber all over it {not that i know from experience}.  i’ve already thrown a few things into my online basket to use as christmas and hostess gifts for the upcoming holiday season.

i have really been feeling the need to change things up around here to cozy things up for fall – i have been known to move things around in our house so much that jared asks if everything is new  {i’d say that’s a successful rearrangement}.  i’m not really into throwing up leaf garlands everywhere {no offense if that’s your thing};  browns and oranges have never been my happy colors.  in search of some inspiration, i’ve been following this fall homes tour, and have pulled some good ideas to use at case de brooner.  it starts with the white buffalo styling co., and each post leads you to a new blog.  i like the eclectic nature of her {wbsc} home, and it’s fun to see how each person interprets fall style.  highly recommend if you’re in a styling rut.

ok, if you’re not watching this is us, i don’t know if we can be friends.  i’m kidding, i’m kidding.  but, it is so. good.  jared and i were bummed when parenthood ended a while back, and i feel like this show has filled that spot for us.  it has heart, and the main characters are in their 36th year, which hits preeeeeeetty close to home.

lastly, my computer has just returned from the computer hospital, where she really needed to go long ago.  i have been pretty terrible about maintenance, and she was getting slowwwwww.  {couldn’t possibly be the 16 jillion pictures i have on here.  whoops.}  anyhow, i was finally able to download about a jillion more pictures from our good camera.  it’s crazy how much these little people have changed in a year – yeah, i said she needed help a long time ago.  i blame just coming out from under a rock after having our third child…again, a year ago.  a little throwback thursday, if you will…

 

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dear hudson

dear hudson,

what a wild ride this year has been. too many ups and downs to count, and today, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about august 11 last year. i went into labor around 7 in the morning, called my parents because i was pretty sure it was go time and i was already dilated to a 4. i was scared you might come quickly (you didn’t). by the time they got here, i was having hard contractions and knew this had to be your day. i remember being excited, scared, hopeful, and so ready to meet you. i had no idea what our day would hold. that you would be in distress during labor, that your heart rate would keep dropping (along with my blood pressure), that they would have to monitor you very closely, that the words ’emergency c-section’ would be uttered at one point, and i would be so scared. that the NICU team would be called in to be there for your delivery. that when you came out, you would have two collapsed lungs and a broken clavicle and i would only be able to hold you for a few seconds before they took you and gave you oxygen to get you breathing. that they would take you directly to the NICU and we would not hear anything for an hour while they figured out what was going on. that they would drain fluid off of your lungs and have you transported (in what looked like a spaceship) to a hospital downtown with a better-equipped NICU (with daddy following the ambulance). that we did not know what was going to happen to you – you could improve or totally tank in those first few hours. that daddy and I would spend that night in our hospital room without you. that my mom would sit at your bedside all night and watch your labored breathing and listen to the doctors until i could get discharged. that the next morning, when we would see you, you’d be connected to so many wires that it would take a nurse’s help just to hold you. that i wouldn’t be able to nurse you until you were two days old. that we would stay in an old run down hospital room (after joking that our stay would be at the ‘spaspital’ since it would be a break to look after a newborn) just to be closest to you. that I would feel so torn between your needs and those of your siblings. that after all that, we would only be in the hospital one day longer than if you’d come out healthy (miraculous, really). 


it was a rough and scary few days and we are so lucky your tiny body knew what to do to heal itself. 

i wish some one had been able to whisper to me that first night- everything will be OK. because, honestly, we didn’t know that it would be. 

to meet you now, one would never know of your dramatic entrance or your tiny fragile body those first weeks. you are loud and sturdy, physical and happy, soooooo happy. WE are so happy to call you ours. 


you are walking and beginning to talk and you may just be the busiest of the three (which is saying something!). you are ornery and cautious, love cars, bats, balls and the stairs, are a good eater, did I mention busy?  you, beckett, and chloe, have mutual adoration for one another, and i so hope your relationships will only strengthen. it’s been beautiful to watch that bond grow. you are sleeping better, though still not thru the night reliably. last night you were up at 2.30, 4.30, and 5 – teeth?  just wanting to get a jump on the birthday?  and noooowwwww you decide you like a pacifier. what the what?!?

i am savoring your baby qualities, but at the same time, so look forward to seeing who you become. we all love you, hudsy bear. you are the piece that completed this little puzzle.