a little marriage advice for the mamas (and papas) in the trenches

i am really no marriage expert, but i was texting with my cousin the other day (who just had her third baby in just over three years – bless you alicia!), and she asked how we keep our marriage in a good place.  it got me thinking…

i feel like anyone who has a newborn is ‘in the trenches’ – you are sleep deprived, trying to figure out a new family dynamic, and if you have other children, trying to help them adjust to life as a bigger family, and also sleep deprived.  did i mention sleep deprived??  it’s hard on the whole crew, and i feel like we have only recently emerged from those trenches.

now, i will be the first to tell you that our marriage is not perfect, but i truly believe that no one’s is.  it is a constant process of adapting (especially with small children) and bending and communication and compromise.  you’ll have to figure out what makes you and your spouse ‘tick’ and do it.  we’ve figured out that what helps us the most is having fun together (with or without kids)- typically an active kind of fun, but even just laughter is like medicine for us both.  it can be as simple as watching something funny together, going to a park with the kids (and acting like children ourselves), or something requiring a bit more effort like going to a trampoline park.  the other night we went with friends to a place here called up-down, which is a bar filled with arcade games from the 80s and 90s.  we had a blast.  it was just a few hours of kid-free fun, and we both felt renewed.  another favorite, when we don’t have a sitter, is to wear out the kids, put them to bed early, and order take-out sushi for a date night in.  it doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy or even out of your PJs every time, it’s just finding some time to be together and staying connected.

i’d love to know, what works for you??

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